So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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