Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
