everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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