My nipple is on Facebook.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
handjob tips. give me some.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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