my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
