girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ttyl tear gas
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
