Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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