***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
