Well douche your snatch and let's go!
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
youre lurking in front of me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
