i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just high enough for therapy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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