i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
