Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
