I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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