Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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