So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
