Will you blow on my dice?
Ketchup is God's man juice
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
