The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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