I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
