i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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