I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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