He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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