when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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