As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
