its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
