Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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