he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
