so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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