Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
