Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i dont even know how to be here
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
