Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They are going to name an STD after you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
