Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
