youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
