Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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