woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
