just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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