So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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