WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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