Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
