Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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