remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
