i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
