In the future we'll all be gay
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
