My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
