the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
