just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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