Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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