im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
