I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
