I'm going to jail i love you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
