There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
