Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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